I’ve got to be really honest with those of you who aren’t around me on Monday nights: I low-key watch The Bachelor / Bachelorette. Okay. Maybe it isn’t low-key. I Tweet about it sometimes and am usually engaged in a rapid-fire text message commentary with a group of 2-3 other people. So it’s pretty high-key, I guess.
I don’t know what draws me to the show – controversial and unrealistic as it is. But I’m a captive audience – and if I’m being honest, last night’s finale made me sad. I will not spoil anything – but it made me sad for a lot of reasons. I actually questioned whether or not I could continue to watch the show because I realized that even if the person I am rooting for snags the final rose, I feel bad for the person who is blindsided by rejection.
Because no matter how you slice it, rejection stinks.
When you put your heart out there and it gets crushed, it’s nothing short of devastating. And to have that happen to you while knowing the world is watching on the other side of the camera? I don’t know. It just seems kind of heartbreaking.
But I digress.
Watching the show is one thing and my moral dilemma about continuing to do so is up in the air. But one thing is certain: I could NEVER be on the show. Like ever. Why? Sure, I am dating a dreamboat of a guy who – in my opinion – very politely (because that’s just who he is) blows every possible contestant completely out of the water, but let’s look past even that for a second.
Relationship status aside, I am just not Bachelorette material.
And here are ten reasons why:
1. On a scale of one to ten, I am only about a four on how confident I am in my ability to repeatedly pin a boutonniere onto a guy’s lapel. When you factor in the fact that my hands would likely be shaking from the stress and that, eventually, every season lands the contestants in a climate so humid you are actually soaking wet the entire episode, I think it gets knocked down to a two. I don’t want to poke anyone.
2. I need my girlfriends. Being cut off from the outside world (i.e., getting your phone, internet and any-form-of-outside-interraction abilities stripped from you upon going on the show) as I’m beginning a relationship would be kind of agonizing. Not having the ability to call them up or invite them over for wine to be a sounding board as I wondered if something was an insecurity of my own or a red flag in the person I am dating would leave me feeling mapless. In a relationship – especially early on and in the beginning stages – I think there’s immense wisdom in exposing your friends to the ins and outs of the person and your connection.
3. I think peoples’ glassware has an unsettlingly high potential of getting confused at the weekly cocktail parties. This means I may inadvertently share a drink with a complete stranger. This is also my worst nightmare.
4. Some people innocuously break out when they are under stress. But me? I won the stress lottery! Historically, I get cold sores when I am under immense amounts of stress. A cold sore on national television is literally my worst nightmare. I have actually dreamt about this twice this season.
5. I am an ugly crier.
6. One of my favorite parts about my relationship with Tyler was how early on in our relationship we met each other’s families. We were “officially” dating for only two and a half weeks when I met his entire family, and just four months when he made the trip up to New York with me to meet my family. Because family is so important to each of us, we didn’t see the need to wait to introduce the other person to our family. Getting the approval from the people we loved the most and who loved us the most early on in our relationship (and on our own time table) was such a necessary blessing to give both of the peace and confidence we needed to move forward. Waiting for the “hometown” dates on the show would be such a difficult concept to grasp for me.
7. Highly competitive group dates would bring out the overly dog-eat-dog persona that lurks just beneath my light-hearted-Scattergories -laying surface. Put me in one of those “learn karate and then fight each other playfully” situations and I very well could end up being the first Bachelorette in history who gets a, “No,” from each guy when she asks, “Will you accept this rose?” Not exactly the mark I want to make on this world.
8. I have a terrible poker face. I think if someone who I maybe wasn’t all that interested in asked if they could “steal me away” to have a one-on-one conversation at a cocktail party or on a group date, I wouldn’t be able to fake being excited if I really wasn’t. This would hurt peoples’ feelings and also probably the show’s ratings.
9. I once read an article by Katie Levans (former Bachelor contestant) for Charlotte Agenda that told of terrible conditions during filming. By “terrible conditions during filming” I mean you are up all night and miss out on some of life’s essentials for survival. And by “some of life’s essential for survival,” I mean sleep. Being required to look, act, feel, respond, smell, and sound like a decent human being on national television while also sleep deprived seems like a severe and inhumane form of corporal punishment.
10. I don’t think I would handle the set-schedule of knowing when you’ll get to see the other person very well. In the beginning of a relationship, I think the excitement of, “When do I get to see him next?” is such a fun stage to walk through. Though I wouldn’t change a thing about the rhythm I’ve settled into, I loved the anticipation of not having a set, “Okay, it’s Wednesday, so we’ll go to dinner,” early on in my relationship. Especially when you’re navigating the newness of a person and the excitement of a budding relationship, the anticipation of, “I wonder if and where we’ll go this weekend…” is such a sweet aspect. Having a producer plan all of that out for me would seem kind of boring.
What about you? Do you watch the Bachelor or Bachelorette? Relationship status aside, do you think you could ever be on the show?